November 2016 (Post 2)

Reflections on returning to work

I was very much looking forward to returning to work when I wrote in July.  I have been back full-time for nearly three months now.  I really enjoy being back among my colleagues but I have not found it easy to settle back into work and I definitely don’t work as quickly.  I find that I worry more about things and need to try hard to keep things in perspective.  My colleagues have been brilliant and very supportive but I expect it will be a few months yet before I feel back to ‘normal’. 
Returning to work has been easy to manage compared to managing leisure activities.  I am very tired by the time that I come home from work and need to go to bed by 10pm.  If we sit down to watch the tv in the evening I am quite likely to fall asleep.  I also don’t have the motivation to do things in the evening and I am now realising that I should have given up more of my leisure activities while I was ill so that I didn’t feel obligated to keep them up now when I really don’t have the energy.  The trouble is that when you are ill you don’t want to give things up because they are your link to the real world and to the life you hope to return to.  But I didn’t realise how tired I would be from work and how stressed I was going to feel if I couldn’t live up to my own expectations – it is definitely my own expectations that need managing, other people are not putting any pressure on me.
So my advice to anyone in the same situation, ie going back to work after treatment,  is to do what they always advise on retirement courses – wait 6 months before you commit to anything to work out firstly how much energy you have and also what you really want to do.  Of course I have not taken this advice!  I have managed to give up one commitment but it will be a few months before I can give up anything else.  Do what I say not as I did!!